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Our friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her partner ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her friends drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on him. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely understood more clearly what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, several in her circle vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer turned on her, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us retired and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in our friendship is to listen. I open subjects only for her to redirect them to what interests her. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She's been organizing a trip to a nation I have traveled to many times even called home previously. I tried to offer advice, however, my input unappreciated. She purely just desired my agreement with her decisions. I have ended 30 days in that country and she wants to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly comprehend the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, yet this is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it aiming for a solution takes courage and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express how this affects you emotionally. There should be no disagreement about this. Your feelings belong to you, naturally. Step three is to question how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly impactful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject all you say, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they have a narrative about themselves they cannot abandon as it feels essential depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult because there's no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may at first react this way then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you peace that you've been open and direct.